Happy Holiday’s Everyone
1 Key To NOT Being Like Other Guys
The video above is a pop up video a friend of mine whipped up a couple years ago. It’s a complete break down of the do’s and don’ts when it comes to approaching and attracting women in bars.
First let’s take a look at our friend Chip here… Although the whole approached bombed he did do one thing right!
- The fact he sat down while saying his opener showed some confidence. He didn’t invade her space, he kept a good 3 feet between them, had he not been Sarah would’ve displayed some negative body language towards him.
Now for what he did wrong. Which was everything afterwards…
- Yes, as the video mentioned he did lean and act try hard. But why? Look at his body, remember 90% of all communication is not even coming out of your mouth.
- He also made the mistake of sitting in front of her instead of beside her. The importance is to be able to established a more shared reality. Standing/sitting in front of someone on first approach gives of a more confrontational vibe.
- She’s leaning in and he’s leaning back, means that Sarah has the power in the conversation everyone in the bar knows Chip is at a disadvantage.
- Fails her first “shit test” by only laughing instead of standing up for himself. Which sub-communicates that he wouldn’t be able to handle her himself even if an real relationship had started.
Think about it? Ever had a conversation with a girl, that went dead after you didn’t handle her question/statement/comment ? For instance, shortly after approaching a girl may say, “Buy me and my friend a drink?”, That question itself is a shit test, reasons why women do this because a lot of men are CONFIDENT on approach and this is her way of figuring out if what your displaying is a good poker face or her way of finding kinks in your armor.
Guys will buy her the drink and then 2mins afterwards the 2 girls may “Go to the Bathroom”, which means they just played your ass. You have to be the guy that makes her earn it. Instead of buying a drink you say, ” I’ll buy you 1,000 drinks but you buy me one first”.
After Chip fails gracefully, and Hitch uses his disadvantage as an opportunity to approach. Playing into the role play allowed him transition into conversation.
- His opener is an observational one, he led in with a statement that would question his confidence. He separates himself from the other men by asking, “Should that be your (Sarah) problem?”. She answer with slight sarcasm, like another SHIT TEST, but what he leads into is a Cold Read.
Cold reading is a technique used by pickup artists to build attraction by appearing to know something deep about a girl he just met, thus building intrigue, and can also be a way to transition into rapport by relating on deeply held commonalities.
Note the slight pause before he starts. He’s taking his time, putting the Martini on the servers tray, not rushing his worlds and building suspense before continuing…
Look how he is giving value and making his way to sit down. Chip sat down in front and put Sarah in a natural position of power, but Hitch sits next to her making the whole interaction look natural.
“And if that wasn’t clear enough, it’s always the fuck off stamped on your forehead”
Always end a cold read with a little humor. Why? Because you can’t be too serious or the girl will think your weird, keeping the conversation light and fun is the key to good conversation upon meeting a women.
Sarah laughs and starting showing genuine IOIs (Indicators of Interest).
Hitch still wants to make sure if this is real or fake interest. So, he dismisses himself as a possible suitor by grounding the reality of the interaction. Even though, he is slowly catching her attention she still doesn’t believe that he is being a genuine guy.
Remember most conversation between 2 people are in the format of “Statements and Questions”.
- Acknowledge the person’s statement with a genuine interest. Remember after Hitch spoke she responded, “I wouldn’t know what that even looks like, so what would a guy like this say?”
It’s important to acknowledge people when being addressed, it shows you react in the present instead of auto-pilot.
She shows a slight IOI and therefore he leans and returns the her interest with his own. Hitch is smart, even though she has given him some interest, she still guarded in her demeanor.
Notice how she is slowly becoming more compliant with his questions. The close ups on her face is showing us the attraction Hitch is becoming to her. The biting of the lips, the intrigue and curiosity but Sarah like all women will do, she throws Hitch another shit test.
Sarah fails at trying to predict what Hitch’s next move is. Why? After Chip’s unsuccessful approach he wanted to prove that was not like any other guy. Think for a second… He didn’t jump through any of Sarah’s loops and passed all her shit test. Hitch gracefully walked away knowing her left a lasting impression.
Key to Attraction
Is about Investment..
Men approach women everyday. We are already investing our time when speak to women whether it be in public, clubs, grocery stores.. there’s always that feeling of an agenda when we talk to women.
Just like this whole conversation between Sarah and Hitch, was at the start she wasn’t investing much. When starts to build a reality with her, with his cold reads and responses to her shit test. You can see on her face when the attraction sparked and she realized that he wasn’t like every other guy.
- Hitch Lessons – Basic Principles (Part one) (herfavoritejuice.com)